32 Flavors of AWESOME.

Robert Ferrigno, author of Prayers of the Assassin, occasionally writes some scathing satirical fiction for NRO. His fantasy meeting between BHO and GWB, here, is one of the funniest things I've read in a good long while. Just one of the many, many great lines:

W. waited for Biden to leave. The veep-in-training tried to slam the door, but it had weighted gimbals so that it closed gently. Clinton had the gimbals installed during his first term when Hillary had cracked the door-frame twice in one week.

But, as usual, read the whole thing.

It's Not News, It's CNN!

Author's note: this post was originally going to appear at Mazurland, but Marty's most recent post (which I saw as I was visiting the site to write the post) got me so ass-about-face that I decided to put it here instead. Take THAT!

So CNN presumably tells a reporter that they really want to drive home the story that the economy is in the tank, and the average American is totally screwed, redeemable only by the Obamessiah and his forthcoming Socialist New World Order "jobs program". Said reporter then probably decides that trying to find a nice sad-sack sob story of someone who lost their job because of the terrible economy, and is forced to subsist on meager government assistance and ramen noodles while they fruitlessly search for nonexistent jobs would be the best way to go about this. Typical awesome "journalism" that you might learn in a fancy college program that no lousy plumber could ever hope to accomplish, to be sure.

Anywho, said CNN reporter, a dynamo by the name of Jim Spellman, goes out and finds one Laura Glick, who the lede indicates was earning "six figures" before the downturn and now is hoping to get by on a "$7/hr job". But the devil, as they say, is in the details. The first flag to be raised: what was this magical job? She was a mortgage broker.

This should pretty much end the story right there. So somebody who made a lot of money during an economic boom which was based on unsound and predatory lending practices... made that money lending that very same money? And I'm supposed to feel sorry that the boom is over and she's out of a job?

But it gets better. In her misery, she has been without a job for seven months. Seven months! Why, because no one will pay her six figures to put people in homes they don't deserve and can't afford? I can understand the shock of finding your industry obsolete, but seriously, does it take you seven months to realize that "any job" is better than "no job"?

Oh, and she's on government assistance. $1400/month, apparently, in Colorado somewhere. I lived in Seattle-freakin'-Washington not THAT long ago on $1200/month. I paid my rent, I ate my food, I managed all my own personal expenses for that amount. Maybe rent has gone up, but maybe she's living beyond her means, meager though they may be.

And how has this downturn in her life impacted her lifestyle? From the article: "To get by she has stopped eating out, given up cigarettes and has stopped taking her pets to the vet for regular checkups." Well holy crap on a crap cracker, we've really hit rock bottom when we have to stop taking our pets to the vet for regular checkups!!! And notice the plural: how much better would you get by without paying for their food every month? And cigarettes? Not your precious life-shortening heavily taxed drug of choice, no! How on earth will you get by with healthier breathing, a longer lifespan, and a cleaner bloodstream? And the poor, poor woman, as if her pink lungs and unmonitored pet-health weren't a steep-enough price to pay -- now she can no longer afford to pay someone else to cook her meals for her! Oh tragedy of tragedies, the economy has truly sunk lower than the greatest of all depressions!

Seriously, CNN. If you're going to continue to peddle the doom-and-gloom (presumably to make way for the all-hail-the-Barachrist story on the first faint sign of an economic uptick), at least try. Maybe you can find a family that actually had to sell their SUVs, or move to a house that has fewer bedrooms than occupants, or something. But trying to make me feel sorry for a woman who was the cause of the problem in the first place, and got screwed? Not gonna work.

That Time of Year Again

Once again it's that hallowed time of the year when we celebrate the birthday of a certain someone whose very existence has changed the world for the better (a healthy and hale 31 years, thanks for asking!). Also, something about Elvis Presley. In celebration of that lesser thing, Glenn Reynolds links to an article he wrote some time ago about how Elvis Presley Saved The World From Fascism. The gist is that before Elvis came along and dominated all forms of media, the only way to dress up in funny clothes, see a great light show, listen to somebody who was a master behind the microphone and feel that you were apart of something greater than yourself was to be a fascist. It's worth a read; I think the only tangent he really misses is the tendency of the very "artists" who provide such alternate forms of group-unity expression to support the very fascist regimes that Elvis supposedly "conquered" (or at least averted).

Congratulations Ben!

The youngster said that I had to wait until he had a boy for this one. Since his woman is a Mexican, and he is a Mexican't, Ike is most properly referred to as a MexiBen.

Congratulations. I am very happy for our family.

I Has A Son!

Isaac Leopoldo Thompson, born at 8:45 a.m. this very day, weighing in at 2184 drams, and measuring 5,397,000,000 angstroms in length from head to toe! Behold:

Mother and child are doing wonderfully. Father is a bit tired, but obviously alert enough to blog and convert into obscure units of measure.