Monday, May 19, 2008

Obama Declares Own Candidacy Off Limits

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After declarations that his middle name, personal history, close business associates, friends and neighbors, life-long spiritual mentors, and now even his wife are all "off-limits" when discussing the merits of his candidacy, U.S. Senator and Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama today announced that, in fact, his whole campaign, the fact that he is running for President, and his entire legislative career are now officially banned topics in both the media and Republican circles.

"I think I've made it clear that my candidacy is about Hope and Change and Faith," declared Senator Obama in a press conference Monday, "and it's just unfair for the Republican Hate Machine to smear that message with irrelevant facts about my voting record, my stand on the issues, or my complete lack of legislative accomplishment."

When asked for further comment about the chilling effect this might have on free speech during a vital political contest, an Obama spokesman who asked not to be named because his name was irrelevant to Obama's campaign said "Obama's non-record speaks for itself, so why should other people speak for it? That would be putting words into Obama's record's mouth." When pressed for more details, the unidentified spokesman immediately fell into a trance, chanting "hopechangefaithobaaaaaamaaaaa" repeatedly while standing in a Zen-like meditative pose.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Chris said...

That post is worthy of Scrappleface. And the sad thin is that it's alll true.

2:18 PM  
Blogger Benjamin said...

Yeah, I'll admit I was totally channeling a weird Scrappleface vibe when I wrote it. Actually, it spawned several other ideas too. Hope I don't get a cease & desist letter from Mr. Face's lawyer.

2:26 PM  
Anonymous Marty said...

Brother Paul used to occasionally whip up a Scrapplefacey post for Mazurland. He was pretty good at it, but this is very good. SInce the Poo-Man seems not to be able to write any more, this is just one more job you have at Mazurland...

2:35 PM  

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