Friday, May 02, 2008

A True Conversation This Very Day

Here are some (almost) completely unedited snippets from a series of emails I exchanged with one of my oldest and dearest friends today, who I will call "Cliff", because that's his name:

Me:
<snip>

Oh, in other news, thanks for reminding me to tell you something: WE'RE PREGNANT AGAIN!!!

And based on <Mrs. Redshirt>'s calculations, the baby will be due at almost precisely the new year. I'll induce on Dec. 31 if I have to for tax purposes. Interestingly, that means that the baby could be born on Christmas, New Years Day, my birthday, or even your birthday, depending on how things go. Craziness.

Cliff:
Congratulations! And by the statement, "we're pregnant" I assume you mean Yoanna and not you because if you're pregnant too, then I'm really frightened.

For what it is worth, my mom still reminds me to this very day that I was due on December 26 and I cost her the 1977 tax deduction. She just won't let it go…

Me:
Well, that's a funny story involving a rare radioactive isotope... on the plus side, though, I can also shoot laser beams out of my eyeballs.

Cliff:
You need to stop hanging out in the nuclear chemistry lab…especially now that you are pregnant.

Me:
Actually, I was bitten by a radioactive female wombat. Fortunately, as a marsupial, I will carry the new child in my pouch until it turns 18. AND I can fight crime! I shall call myself Wombat(wo)man!

But seriously, please keep us in your prayers. <snip>

Cliff:
We'll be praying…


So I guess what I'm trying to say is that my friends are almost exactly as weird as I am. Funny how we gather around ourselves people of similar dispositions, whether consciously or not.

Oh, and also, I'M GONNA HAVE ME ANOTHER WEE ONE! Yeeee-HAW!!!
Only 1 more and I get my "Propagating the Species" merit badge!

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Marty said...

Congratulations, Ben. And Mrs. Redshirt, too. She'll have to deal with three children around the house soon. BTW, if G2 is born on New Year's Eve, she'll share a birthday (separated by 20 years) with my daughter. She was supposed to be born on January 9, but got me the 1988 tax break instead. The flip side of that came a couple of years ago when she turned 17 on the last day of the year. The IRS rules said I could take the extra kiddie credit only if kiddie was *under* 17 the whole year. B*st*rds!!

4:08 PM  
Anonymous J to the D said...

WOOHOO! More Spon spawn! My heartiest congratulations to you and the wife...

7:06 PM  
Blogger Benjamin said...

Well, this year is an especially important year for tax purposes, what with dubya's "rebate". The rules for it specifically say that, since it's a "pre-bate" on the 2008 tax year, if your status changes at any time during that year, then in 2009, you can apply to get the full portion of your rebate. In other words, if my child is born on Dec. 31 or sooner, I get another $300 in my pocket, apart from the tax credit.

Plus, tax credit now is way better than tax credit 18 years from now. I can take that money and invest it, and it'd be worth way more than any increased tax credit would be in 18 years.

J.D. -- I do believe it's high time you settled down and started producing little ginger kids yourself! And you damn well better name one of them "Chuck".

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Chris said...

Congratulations Ben!

4:15 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

Congrats to you and send my best wishes to the Mrs!!!! As the parents of one child of the biological variety and one of the adopted variety, we've been able to enjoy both the tax deduction(s) AND the adoption tax credit. Yippee Skippee.

8:25 PM  
Anonymous J to the D said...

Hahaha..."ginger kids"...I like that! Sounds like you and the folks are on the same page. If it's any consolation, the screening process for a suitable host is underway. (Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic.) In the meantime, would you settle for a puppy if I named him Carlos?

9:17 PM  
Blogger Benjamin said...

Carlos de Norris? I dunno...

Reminds me that we have a long term plan to get a Mastiff and name him Paco/Pacito.

7:19 PM  

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