McCain Ascendant

What a depressing month. Fred! drops out, Huck fades, Romney climbs, and then falls to John McCain. If you had asked me a month ago what the race might look like today, it certainly wouldn't have resembled that picture. Going back a month, I think my candidates, in order of preference, were: Thompson, Huckabee, McCain, Romney, Giuliani, an insane, lobotomized deafmute, a swift kick in the crotch, Hillary and Obama's illegitimate lovechild, and Ron Paul. And I should mention that everything that falls beyond number two on that list would require a great deal of clenched teeth and grumbling on my part at the polls.

My top choice: departed. Number two: well, I like him less now, and he has no chance at this point. That leaves number three, John McCain. So, I suppose I should be "happy", assuming we live in a world were that word means "not currently in a spittle-foaming, screaming rage of unbridled fury and wrath". I don't trust John McCain, as I've said before. But considering the field, he's what we've got.

Why not Mitt Romney? Well, let me get this out there: Mormons are crazy, and I simply don't want one as my president. There, I've said it. I really ought to elaborate more on this using big words to confuse people so they think I'm smart instead of bigoted, but that will have to wait. Need more? Well, how about this:

As for Mr. Romney—who may still win, but who has underperformed in the early going—he certainly was a dutiful spokesman for every possible item on the conservative wish list, but perhaps he was a bit too dutiful. His penchant for pandering grew to ludicrous proportions as he not only reversed himself on a long list of policy positions but cooked up a distinctly unconservative proposal for rescuing Michigan’s auto industry just in time for its primary. When he finally reverted to the “real” Mitt Romney—an optimistic businessman with no compunctions about directing an activist government—it was clear that even his newly minted conservative persona was in a Bain-like turnaround.

That, from a larger article about what folks like National Review, Rush Limbaugh, and the sadly unreadable (if you're not already a dyed-in-the-wool Romney supporter) Hugh Hewitt will do now that their bête noire is poised to win.

I have more thoughts, but they're still forming. All I really know is that I really, really, really don't want Hillary or Obama as my president. Maybe I should give the insane, lobotomized deafmute a second look.