The Lighter Side of Derb

Much light has been made recently of Barack Hussein Obama's almost total humorlessness, on both sides of the aisle, in fact. Well, increasingly shrill and unreadable (due to his steadfast godless stick-in-the-muddery) John Derbyshire over at The Corner has provided some much-needed relief (both in the comic sense, and in terms of my esteem for him) by posting this little bit:

Since Obama humor seems to be this week's topic, I suggest we have a contest. Readers are invited to supply the punch line to any or all of the following Obama-joke openers. Prizes to be announced.

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Barack Hussein Obama."
"Barack Hussein Obama who?"
[The "Hussein" can be omitted if necessary to improve the punch line, or for contestants who are actually members of the Obama campaign staff.]

A priest, a rabbi, an imam, and Barack Obama are in a plane when the engines fail and the plane begins to go down. Opening the emergency locker, they find only three parachutes.

Arrested and imprisoned by a racist criminal-justice system, Barack Obama finds himself in the maximum-security wing among a group of lifers swapping jokes. "43," says one lifer. The others all roar with laughter. "17," says another. More laughter. Obama: "Excuse me, I don't get it. What's so funny about those numbers?" One of the lifers explains: "We've been here so long, see, we all know each other's jokes. So to save ourselves trouble, we've just numbered them. Everyone knows which joke is which number." Obama: "I see. All right, may I tell a joke?" The lifers nod agreement. "Um, 89," says Obama. Nobody laughs. Obama: "Why is nobody laughing?"

Barack Obama's sitting at a bar when a man comes up to him and says: "Wanna hear a Barack Obama joke?" Obama: "Er, hold on there, buddy — I am Barack Obama."

Of course, never give readers an inch, or they shall take up the whole room. So that they don't fall down the memory hole, here are a set of his first-responders:

Entry #1

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a light bulb?
— What light bulbs? The house is illumined by the light of his countenance.

Entry #2

Barack Obama's sitting at a bar when a man comes up to him and says: "Wanna hear a Barack Obama joke?" Obama: "Er, hold on there, buddy — I am Barack Obama." "Oh. all right then, I'll tell it in Spanish."

Entry #3 (For Monty Python fans)

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Barack Hussein Obama."
"Barack Hussein Obama who?"
"Barack Hussein Obama Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm."

Apparently Derb is posting more comprehensive results on a joke-by-joke basis. First up is the lightbulb joke, the cream of the crop of which may be found here, along with the requisite obscure turn-of-phrase by which Derb presumably measures his self-worth. My favorite so far? "None. They just declare the sudden darkness to be The Change We've Been Waiting For."